In August we explored sexuality as a holy longing - a longing to be wanted, chosen, connected, held, understood, known and affirmed. This longing is not just about our genitals, just like eating is not all about our mouths. It is a deep seated part of our soul and how we act out sexually affects our soul. Below is a synopsis of some of the areas we discussed:

Our Dreams Steal our Reality
Unfortunately due to the media we tend to have reduced sexuality to the mechanical and have robbed it of much of its mystery and awe. It has been idealized. “This is what it should be like” i.e. perfect bodies, perfect romance, perfect lovers. Visual imagination and dreaming are essential in order to move forward, however, when an ideal forms in ones mind as the penultimate "must have" we are often disillusioned by what we have in reality. In this context our dreams steal our reality. The “perfect partner” robs us from enjoying the partner we walk with.

Expectations are the Biggest Killer of Relationships.
So many people have a fixed idea of what their partner should be like and spend their whole relationship trying to change them, and being disappointed when the partner does not live up to this set out expectation. In this situation we are not loving the person we are with but rather loving the ideal version of them. For the relationship to flourish we need to really see the person in front of us, affirm them, cherish them and nourish their uniqueness. Then we will be giving each other the true gift of relationship. In this sort of relationship all types of intimacy: sexual, emotional, spiritual and physical will be more natural and life giving.

The Journey of Desire
The journey of desire from seeing something to possessing it is an essential ingredient in valuing what we have got. This can be seen even in children. The child who has very little and is made to save for his bicycle, thinks about it and dreams about it for months until he gets it. And he treasures the bicycle when he gets it as it has already got a large space in his heart. The child however who sees the bicycle and gets it immediately is likely to get home ride it and forget about it – his heart is already focused on the next toy he can purchase. The same is true with our sexuality. By waiting and going on a journey of desire before engaging sexually we put a level of respect and value on each other, develop a space in our hearts for each other and are likely to cherish this experience far more.