Men as Mentors - Richard Rohr and Sergio Milandri - Part 14

Start with three minutes of silence or a piece of evocative music..

Part 14. Three Kinds of Heart.

What makes us caring around some people or irritated around others, friendly or hurtful? How do we see ourselves and how do we see others? Why do we treat some people one way and others in another? Do we have choices about the way we see people and how we treat them? What forms the basis for the way we relate?
Is it a matter of choice or do we simply do so without awareness?

Rohr focuses on three types of persons:
Firstly there are those who are the spiritually paralysed, who simply have no inner motivation other than that of personal gratification. They see no deeper meaning or any need to engage apart from what they can get from a situation. Their relationships are mostly about personal gain.

The second kind are those invested in power and control, who derive their energy by judging and renouncing others. They presume to be correct and moral and threaten with rejection any who do not conform to their way. But worse, they are self-righteous as they cover their agenda by calling it God’s law.

The third kind of person is the one who knows and who takes ownership of themselves and who accepts and is responsive to the other. This person discerns each situation and responds with inner integrity and authority. There is an awareness of self and of the other, a willingness to engage and to respond to the need of the situation. There is no urge to judge and condemn, but rather a desire for healing and renewed fellowship.

Looking deeper into our hearts, where do we see each of these types of person in ourselves? Where are we just too lazy to respond and have many good reasons to defend that position? Where do we judge a person or situation by what we can get out of it?

Where are we like the second kind and do not engage with someone because we think they are beneath us or have gone too far in some situation and must now be punished or put right? We easily talk to others about their breakdown or failure, but not to the person involved, nor do we get close enough to feel their pain.

And thirdly, where are we fully present and aware, able to know our own heart and how to move to bring life to a situation? Do we risk stepping into the gap for reconciliation and peace?

In relating to different people, what attitudes of heart control us and what untested assumptions do we act on? What are our beliefs about ourselves and others? When we judge others as better or worse than ourselves, what are our criteria? What is the basis of our judgement and where do we fit in with it? Which people do we see as precious, to be respected and engaged and which are objects to be manipulated to further our own influence and control? Do we even see?

Reflection (10 minutes in silence)
Compare your best and worst relationship and see where your assumptions about each are different.

Journal (5 minutes)
Write down some questions for yourself that will help you understand this deviation.

Connect with each other in the group.

This week. Reflect on your relationships and the assumptions that inform them.
Read chapter 15 of Richard Rohr’s “From Wild Man to Wise Man”.