Men as Mentors - Richard Rohr and Sergio Milandri - Part 16

Start with three minutes of silence or a piece of evocative music..

Part 16 . Going Nowhere Slowly?

Western culture tends to define us around needing and getting but seldom as becoming a person. From an early age we are rightfully set on the road to adulthood but we see it as an acquisition and not as a development of our being. We measure our progress to adulthood in terms of what we have achieved and controlled rather than where we have come to in ourselves.

So when asked who we are, we tend to answer with what we have. We have this education and that professional qualification, we have this beautiful body and have travelled to so many countries, and now have 75 friends on ‘Facebook’. Is it enough we might ask?

Those of us who have a lot may well have a nagging sense that we must give some of it back, whether out of a sense of gratitude for or guilt at having so much. The inner sense we have that we must somehow give of ourselves usually ends in some charitable donation out of our surplus sufficiency rather than from a sacrificial self.

Most of this is the construct of our society. We are here to make a comfortable life for ourselves and to give any left-overs to those less fortunate.

But what do we really have? Our life meaning is found not in what we have but in how we use what we have to bring healing to all we are part of.

Rohr rightly identifies the two-stage model of the student and the householder so common in our culture as self seeking and short sighted. It is with some surprise that we read of the Indian model where this constitutes only half of the story, the beginning in order to set up a family base. It is from here that one can move out to the deeper issues and explorations of which life is really constituted.

The third stage of seeking and risking moving into deeper reality is not common among people striving for security in adequate pension funds. And the fourth stage of engaging our community with maturity and wisdom is equally not common when one has chosen the path of least resistance in retirement.

Our society is dying as a result. The young are misguided through meagre mentoring, adults have broken relationships and the elderly have despair. This cannot be what God intended by saying we would have an abundant life. It is only when we die to our small world and allow God to open the picture for us that we can begin to move into a more satisfying place in ourselves.
It is only as we leave our securities and face our life reality that it becomes our place of new births.

Rohr says,”Sometimes I wonder if what Jesus meant by a ‘disciple’ (a teachable one) was simply an adult! One who had gone through the stages of growing up, letting go, handing over and learning to live out of his or her true self. If you can once in a while get rid of all the pious connotations, you can see that an adult believer is merely one who has stopped hating, blaming and passing on death and negativity. They have become transmitter stations of life. They let everything teach them, even in old age. That is a disciple of Jesus” - a truly alive person.

Reflection (10 minutes in silence)
What stage of the four are you in? How does it feel?

Journal (5 minutes)
Write down some of your reflections.

Connect with each other in the group. Share some of your reflections.

This week. Reflect on your movement through the four stages Rohr describes. Read chapter 17 of Rohr’s “From Wild Man to Wise Man”.