Men as Mentors - Richard Rohr and Sergio Milandri - Part 18

Start with three minutes of silence or a piece of evocative music.

Part 18. A Double Life.

If we do not have a double life we are in deep trouble. If what others see of us is all they get, we are in serious need of growth! What I am referring to here is an inner life, a growing and significant life that is separate but not disconnected from our manifest outer life. This is not a double life in terms of manipulation or deception but a real part of ourselves that is separate from the everyday pressures placed on us and our stock patterns of responding to these demands.

Without a reference point we easily lose our bearings and before we know it may be far from where we imagined ourselves to be. In this case the reference point is actually a reference relationship, our relationship with God. As we grow in God so our dependence on human affirmation changes. We need it less to establish our identity as much as to love with relevance.

It is important to know that we cannot be the agents of healing and change as God calls us to if we need to ask for permission to be ourselves and to do the things we sense God asking us to do. We may be asked to call into question practices that use and abuse people, yet if we do not have a growing identity in God, how can we question anything or even be be prophetic? Can we ever question the group we belong to if our acceptance depends on not rocking the boat? If we do not have an inner life, and thus an independent source of identity and affirmation, we will always be accommodating those in power and fitting in with the expectations of the group. This is more than just being mildly reactive, it is confronting the very basis of certain practices.

Rohr speaks about a retreat and a confront and that if we are not confronting then why would we want to retreat? If we are not pushing against the tide of loss and hurt, why would we want to withdraw to be renewed and replenished by God. Would we even know what it meant to have a retreat with God? When we are confronting difficult situations, maybe facing circumstances that are humanly impossible, then running into God’s arm is a natural and very desired response.

To retreat implies having a life with God that is important and real enough for us to make significant time to be alone with him. It is doing whatever it takes to deepen and strengthen this relationship which, like a marriage, needs its core of intimacy to be protected and managed so that it continues to be life-giving. It is from here that our truly transformative self will be nurtured. As our principle relationship, time to retreat with God will be reflected in our having time to nurture other important relationships as well.

If God’s love does not sustain and constrain us, we may well be fighting for a better world in our own strength and according to our own agenda. It is in finding ourselves with God that we will be in him and be living through him.

Reflection (10 minutes in silence)
Where do you get your identity? How much of this is from God? Can you stand?

Journal
Write down some of your feelings. What do you need to do now?

Connect with each other in the group. Speak about you and God..

This week. Reflect on the viability of your self in God. Is there enough of a person there? to be real?
Read chapter 19 of Richard Rohr’s “From Wild Man to Wise Man”