Men as Mentors - Richard Rohr and Sergio Milandri - Part 2

Start with three minutes of silence. In the stillness sense and know your inner self, who you are here and now within.

Part 2. A Unique Spirituality

Few of us realise that we each have a spirituality, a unique spiritual identity that encompasses the many aspects of our being. This has formed over the course of our lives as a growing [or dying] reality within us, one that has been deeply affected by significant people, outer influences and by choices and involvements in our daily lives. Though we might not easily identify it, we can readily see its’ outworking in our relationships. Our ability to love others, to love God and to love ourselves is a direct outworking of our spirituality.

Having been formed by a father and a mother means that our spirituality is a blend of masculine and feminine elements. Our parents not only moulded male and female spiritualty for us but they also modelled the relationship between the two. If there was conflict between them or if either one dominated the other, this will have its effects in us. This formation was further affected by other significant people and also coloured by the male/female ethos of the time.

The masculine side is the external structured and functional self while the feminine is the internal, intuitive emotional self. While the former is concerned about protecting principles, the latter nurtures relationships. Though these are blurred, there are distinct aspects of each. An integrated spirituality consists of a balance of outer male and inner female components.

The outer part relates to the everyday life involvements we’re part of, while the inner component refers to those unseen relational realities that make up who we are, how we feel and connect.

The sad reality is that while women have permission to go inward and express their inner concerns and feelings, men are pressured to focus outward, to be strong and pretend not to be affected by inner dis-ease. This loss of their inner self makes their spirituality weak and fragile. As Rohr says, “A man without his feminine soul .. will move toward the outer world of things and his head will be his control tower. He will build, explain, use, fix, manipulate, legislate, order and play with whatever he bothers to touch, but he will not really touch it at all - for he does not know the inside of things. He has no subtlety, imagination, ability to harmonise or live with paradox or mystery. He engineers reality instead of living it. He is afraid of real life...
And that is why the control tower of reason and pseudo control work overtime. It is the only way he can give himself a sense of security and significance. He is trapped in part of the picture which is dangerous precisely because he thinks it is the whole picture.” (Rohr p.9) Equally, women who are unbalanced by their male soul tend to become too inward, “preoccupied with relationships, a morass of unclarified feelings and religion itself as a security blanket.”( Rohr p.10). Most of us suffer an imbalance in our spirituality, overly outward and practical or overly inward and emotional.

Reflection (10 minutes in silence)
Reflect on your own two sides, your masculine self and your feminine self. Notice how they each seem to be. Imagine talking to them and asking them how you have allowed them to develop and how you depend on them now. How does the dominant side treat the weaker part? How does it feel to listen to the “inferior” part of yourself?

After the reflection, answer the following questions in your journal. (10 minutes)
1. Which side are you most at home in, the rational side or the emotional, intuitive side?
2. What do you feel about the other side? Is it similar to the wild side?
3. How did your father and mother’s model form these two sides for you?
4. How would it feel to begin to trust your weaker side more?
5. What first step can you take to begin embracing this side of yourself?

Connecting with each other in the group.
Share around the circle something of what you see of your masculine and feminine self. How does it feel to face your inner gender conflict? What is the invitation?

This week. Reflect on your weaker side and begin to accept this side’s view more.Read chapter 3 of Richard Rohr’s “From Wild Man to Wise Man”