Men as Mentors - Richard Rohr and Sergio Milandri - Part 3

Start with three minutes of silence. Get in touch with your feelings around powerlessness.

Part 3. Male and Female Power

Traditionally, people’s roles defined their identity rather than their unique attributes. Every society guarded set expectations on how men and women were to behave in their roles. Anyone infringing the expected norms was labelled bad-mannered or rebellious or worse. With these social roles came power. The boss, the ‘head’ of the family, the policeman and the academic, all had power because of their role and position. The separation of people into these roles and positions, into classes and groups, ensured that they were kept divided and easily controlled. Those with power were on top and those without were kept down. This power by virtue of having dominance is external power. It is a power that reduces the weaker to conformity.

Women have a long history of being disempowered simply because of the roles they were given. Despite this, women learned to “compensate for the role in which they have been cast by finding power in indirect ways, such as subtly learning to manipulate and cajole for their needs. It made them much more creative in ways of power. In other words they learned the dance between power and powerlessness in ways men never did. (Rohr p.16)

We are now in the strange situation where the traditional roles are falling away and instead of being free to be ourselves apart from them, many men are feeling bereft of their identity and uncertain of themselves. This can also be said of some women who have depended on their roles and neglected their masculine side. (eg the empty nest syndrome.)

Unlike women who developed both parts, their feminine and masculine, men did not learn from women because: “female behaviour was so strictly taboo that men have been blocked from recognising and developing the feminine dimension within themselves.” (Rohr p16)
Men easily become lost without their external power. They are not at home with powerlessness and easily become angry or depressed as a result. The shape of personal power which was previously associated with male dominance has been increasingly changing. Masculine power is seen as direct, structural, functional and logical while feminine power is intuitive, emotional and indirect. Women, who have considerable emotional and relational power are often taking control in these areas and balancing or even upsetting the relational power dynamics.

Our gender awareness needs to be not so much a sexual definition as much as it is an awareness of our complementary differences, We cannot exist without each other, we need each other to be whole, both externally and internally. We were created by the union of genders and need to become empowered and united within ourselves if we are to give life and sustain it.

Reflection (10 minutes in silence)
Reflect on your own journey of power. Were you on the side of the powerful or the powerless? What kinds of power have you experienced? When have you felt dis-empowered?

After the reflection, answer the following questions in your journal. (10 minutes)
1. Which side does your power operate from, your inner masculine or feminine?
2. Can you take the risk of respecting the other form of power?
3. What do need to help you develop your less powerful side?

Connecting with each other around the circle.
Express some of the pain you feel with being powerless, whether in family situations or outside. Share something of what you see of your masculine and feminine power.

This week. Reflect on your powerlessness. Can you give voice to this side of yourself? Read chapter 4 of Richard Rohr’s “From Wild Man to Wise Man”